In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize