there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize