Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
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Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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