you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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