Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
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You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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