you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize