I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize