I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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