he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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