My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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