So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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