im drinking this country out of the recession.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I won the penis lottery.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize