Umm I'm too high to move.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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