Where is the hickey?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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