oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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