And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
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i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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