i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize