Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize