i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize