I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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