Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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