Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize