you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize