Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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