Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize