you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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