white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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