I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize