Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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