I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
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I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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