My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
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He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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