see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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