Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize