I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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