They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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