dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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