just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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