It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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