ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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