She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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