Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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