oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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