what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Couch. On fire.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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