just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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