Only a mothe r could love this liver
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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