I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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