Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
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Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
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I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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