First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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