Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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