I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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